More Happy than Not – Left me more Crushed than Not

Adam Silvera - More happy than not

Title : More Happy Than Not

Author : Adam Silvera

Publication date : June 2nd, 2015

Publisher : Soho Teen

Genre : Young Adult | Contemporary

Synopsis : In the months after his father’s suicide, it’s been tough for 16-year-old Aaron Soto to find happiness again–but he’s still gunning for it. With the support of his girlfriend Genevieve and his overworked mom, he’s slowly remembering what that might feel like. But grief and the smile-shaped scar on his wrist prevent him from forgetting completely.
When Genevieve leaves for a couple of weeks, Aaron spends all his time hanging out with this new guy, Thomas. Aaron’s crew notices, and they’re not exactly thrilled. But Aaron can’t deny the happiness Thomas brings or how Thomas makes him feel safe from himself, despite the tensions their friendship is stirring with his girlfriend and friends. Since Aaron can’t stay away from Thomas or turn off his newfound feelings for him, he considers turning to the Leteo Institute’s revolutionary memory-alteration procedure to straighten himself out, even if it means forgetting who he truly is.
Why does happiness have to be so hard?  

Rating: 5 stars

More Happy than Not.png

“I’m sure waiting for unfulfilled expectations will only make weeks feel like months, months feel like decades, and decades feel like my end of days. If there’s no happiness waiting for me there, then I lived a life without laughs and smiles and that’s not living at all”

(No Spoilers)

Trigger Warning: Depression – Suicide – Homophobia – Assault.

This book. I’m speechless ! I don’t even know how to begin with how it made me feel. I’m just broken and I want to crawl under my bed and stay there until my poor little heart recovers. It’s been a few months since a book made me cry and Adam Silvera has succeded, WHAT KIND OF BLACK MAGIC DOES HE USE? I’ve been meaning to read More Happy than Not since I joined the book community because EVERYONE is praising it so I finally made the plunge. What a plunge indeed. It’s more like falling off of a cliff to be honest, with sharp rocks to catch you at the bottom and Adam Silvera laughing at you from the top. And I loved it (Can I still claim that I am no masochist?)

First of all, the writing was gripping from the first few lines. The book is bluntly and beautifully written, and also brutally funny which left me going back and forth between tears and laughs and doing that takes A LOT of talent. It is written in present tense, 1st person which makes the experience all the more stricking, I honestly felt like I was living with the MC through every heartbreak (and there were TONS of them), every discovery and every little ray of sunshine (Emphasis on the little). OH! I almost forgot! I LIVED for all the cursing in this book, it was so fitting but most of all refreshing, because of most authors censoring themselves.

So, the story follows Aaron Soto, when after his father’s death, tries to commit suicide and how he’s trying to find happiness again. I swear this story shook me, it is so damn honest and says things as they are. The first thing that struck me was how shitty everyone’s life is. Here was innocent me, following the thread of events relatively peacefully (again, emphasis on the relatively) when all of a sudden come certain flashbacks and HOLY SHIT! I was left thunder struck, mouth gaping and speechless by how things turned out to be, I know that if you read it you felt the same way and even you who still haven’t read it (what are you waiting for?) will be freaking dumbfounded once you get to it. The whole plot goes down an entirely different road that I didn’t see coming, not even a little. From that point forward, I couldn’t stop reading, I just had to finish the book before putting it down. Which I did. I also ended up with severe dehydration because of all the liquids that came out of my eyes.

To be honest, I was horrified by some things than happened, some pity violence and just chill-giving situations that sadly, reflect the world we live in. It was a drastic change from the Rainbow poops and supportive surroudings I’m used to reading, this was to me equally a breath of fresh suffocating air and a smack in the face and it was amazingly worth it. It was physically painful (I swear I’m not exaggerating, I was THAT invested) to read about Aaron’s pain and struggles as he was trying his best to figure out who he was and how to live with everything that’s happened to him.

Onto the characters now, or are they characters? Because they feel so real that I don’t know what they are anymore. They had these really deep conversations at times that really made me think and reflect on some aspects of life.

Aaron is such a strong guy, really! He went through so much crap and misery that I truly admired how he was set on living on even if that meant he had to consider going through with the Leteo procedure (which erases unwanted memories.), it might seem like cowardise, but to me it was not, if that’s the only way for him to actually get through life. He was also very sarcastic and fiercely loyal to his people. Though I had a problem with how much he relied on Geneviève at first. Then that started fading away a bit and I realized how big of an influence and positive presence she was in his life, so I started really appreciating her.

Thomas, I loved! (Not that I didn’t love Aaron) He was such an uplifting presence in a very depressing book (let’s just call it what it is). I loved how utterly and completely comfortable he was with himself, he had no taboos and didn’t care what others might think of him which kind of gave Aaron some courage and made things a little easier on him. Here’s a description straight from the book:

“This is how Thomas lives his life, one misfired dream after the other. That journey may stretch for a lifetime, but even if he doesn’t discover that spark until he’s an old man, Thomas will die with wrinkles he earned and a smile on his face.”

Special notice to the mom and brother and how supportive they were once they were actually included. Other than that, the side characters are assholes. Like REAL assholes. I hated them with every fiber in body. Especiallly Brendan who was supposed to be his bestfriend and turned on him as soon as he knew Aaron was gay. WHAT KIND OF FRIEND IS THIS? Omg! Didn’t realize how angry I was haha.

I think that’s about it for this review. Now that all these feelings are brought back up to the surface, I’m gonna go sit in a corner until the world is all pink and pretty and I feel safe enough to venture out the house. BYE.

That’s it until next time.

Did you read More Happy Than Not? If so, what did you think of it?

Hope you enjoyed, write to you soon.

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17 thoughts on “More Happy than Not – Left me more Crushed than Not

  1. Hey, I loved your review and I’m glad you liked the book so much! I just wanted to say that the yellow text in the review is a little difficult to read. Maybe my eyes are exceptionally bad 😅 but reading the yellow lines requires quite an effort and why should you use that instead of something which is effortless to read? 🙂 Other than that, I love your blog and I’m sorry for bringing this up!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you and I’m so happy you like it 😊
      Aaah thank you for bringing this to my attention, don’t apologize for it. Did you read it on the phone or laptop because I just realized that it hurts the eyes on phone 😂😂 Anyway I’ll change it from now on to some dark shade of yellow so that it’s not an issue anymore.


  2. I seriously need to read this.😍 It sounds AMAZING and really emotional and feels smashing. Which is exactly the kind of book I need in my life obviously. </3 I'm sooo glad it was good and you loved it!! I JUST NEED IT EVEN MORE AFTER READING THIS REVIEW.


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  4. I don’t know what you’re talking about! Your review is magnificent! And you’ve covered most every aspect of the book. Oh my god, did you see that twist coming? I didn’t – not from a mile away, and it made me weep and weep. After that section of the book, it was just a constant stream of tears and some laughs and then more tears.

    I agree with you – Aaron’s actions, on the surface, do come off as cowardly, but he’s not. He’s arguably one of the strongest characters I’ve ever read about, just because he’s so determined in his search for happiness. Not once does he give up looking for the better. That’s what makes him so incredible, even though his life is falling apart. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aaah thank you so much 🙊😍
      NO I DIDN’T 😭 I didn’t even realize I was crying until my tears started tickling my neck hahaha. Yep, you summed it up perfectly!
      I honestly think Aaron is one of the best characters I read about in a while.


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