Hello friends !
You may have noticed, you probably haven’t, but this summer my blogging wasn’t the best. In fact, it was absolutely shit (for what I’m used to doing, I mean, not in a general sense, all blogging is good blogging, but yeah…moving on). I wasn’t consistent at all, barely wrote any posts, didn’t blog-hop or reply to comments AT ALL. And I’m gonna let you on on a secret, this is the first non-review post I write since mid-june, I didn’t even post July nor August wrap-up.
And since I’ve always been pretty transparent on this blog, I thought I should keep that up and tell you a little bit about what has been going on. This won’t be a very cheery post, and if you’re only here for the book content, I don’t blame you, you can skip it and come back for the three book related posts going up later this week! I’ve been debating whether of not to write this post for over a week now but I feel like it’s important, mental illnesses are so stigmatized and we’re made to feel ashamed of them when they just are what they are and we don’t need to hide them. I also wanted all of you to know that I’m not always perky and happy and that if you’re not either, then you’re not alone.
TW: depression and anxiety.
In June, I sank into a very bad depressive episode. Not life threatening, but bad. My anxiety was also the worst isn’t ever been with intrusive thoughts, daily panic attacks and being on the verge of them 24/7. 2018 has been a pretty mentally taxing year for me, I won’t go into too much detail about it because it’s very personal and no matter how open I am on here, some things I still keep to myself. But the gist of it is that I saw the breakdown coming from miles away, it was only a matter of when and what would trigger it, the last straw if you will. Which is what explains my lack of blogging. I struggled to find motivation to do anything, even the things I love and that bring my joy didn’t sound appealing anymore. I didn’t blog, didn’t draw, barely read, and struggled to get out of bed most days. I couldn’t even find the energy to take care of myself, let alone do anything that requires additional energy.
And then when I thought I had started getting better, something happened while I was in Italy that got me right back to square one. Not gonna lie, putting myself back together was one of the hardest things to do, I’m the type of person who is functional as long as I have structure to my days, no matter how bad my mental health gets, that keeps me going. So being on summer break and having nothing to do made doing anything ten times harder than it would normally be. And writing this I realise I sound like an ungrateful spoiled brat, because I spent an amazing ten days in Italy, but I did that while having a foggy brain. I enjoyed it. I loved it. Because I had a program to my days, and thus a structure I could follow. But some of my memories (luckily not all) from the trip are very hazy because of a combination of brain fog and suppressing trauma.
I’m okay now. Well, on most days I am. I’m not the okayest I’ve ever been, but I’m getting there again. Some days are still hard but I realized that my main problem is that I absolutely suck at prioritizing myself so that’s what I’m learning to do now, I’m learning to take care of me and not feel guilty about it, about not being able to be there for everyone all the time, not being able to put up reviews on time, to keep up with anything. I’m learning to be okay with not being okay and to get myself back to a place where I am okay.
I didn’t wanna make this a fully non-bookish post and eventhough I was in a weird slumping mood, I still managed to read 8 books in July and August (the ones I read in June are in the wrap-up). I only read 3 in July, one of which was a novella and 5 in August, 4 of which were in the second half of the month as I finally got out of that slump. so YAY!!! Here are said books in the order in which I read them:
I’m also currently rereading my favourite book of all time The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo (here’s my review, and GO READ IT PLEASE!!!) I’m going back to school and hospital rotations on the 10th, so life should be going back to normal and I’ll be going back to my normal three posts a week schedule starting this week! I’m also gonna be slowly replying to comments over the next few days as well as catching up on other blogs.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading ❤ !
That’s it until next time.
Hope you enjoyed, write to you soon.