Choosing your People Right

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Hello guys !

You know what a new Life Talk post means right? It means that I had something happen lately that made me take a step back and reflect on life for a bit. Don’t worry, nothing personal, just things that have been happening in the world, thing I have been hearing, etc… But what really sparked this discussion topic and made me go “That’s it! Now is the time to discuss this.” is reading YOU’RE WELCOME UNIVERSE by Whitney Gardner. The book puts emphasize on friendship and shows a comparison between what a healthy and a toxic friendship is and that kind of made me look at all the friendship I had in my 20 years and I honestly feel good where I’m at right now. So I’m sharing my wisdom (ish)

I’m a pretty social person which means that I know and hang out with a lot of people but I only consider a handful my friends, the rest are more like… acquaintances. I know them, enjoy their company, spend fun times with them but wouldn’t trust them with personal things. That being said, I haven’t always been that way. I was a very naïve girl when it came to trusting and opening up to people and I even considered myself lucky whenever someone wanted to be my friend which means that I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak and disappointment. The upside to that is that now I have killer instincts when it comes to people bullshiting me to their benefit or people having a negative impact on my life in general.

All of this being said, let’s jump in:

1

They’re nowhere to be seen when you need them.

You’ve had a rough day? You need help? You need someone to just listen to you? Well, they’re conveniently busy, have problems of their own that they don’t fail to remind you of or some varient of that. Sometimes, they’d even pretend to be there for you but by the end of the conversation you’d realize that the focus of it shifted to them without you even realizing it. Yeah, I’d hate to break it to you -no, not really- but that’s not good.

They’re always expecting you to listen to them

Yeah, ironically, they expect of you the very thing they don’t give you. Time.  They’re self-centered and they not only expect but demand of you that you hear them out. They probably even manipulate you with “You’re my friend”, “That’s what friends are suppose to do”, “I thought I could count on you” or anything that would make you feel guilty for not being the “worthy” friend they “deserve”. Listen closely, because I know it’s hard to recognize this behavior, especially when it’s someone you love but ask yourself whether this person returns all they’re asking for. If your answer is no, it’s time to make some changes.

They think their bigotry is an opinion

This is more of something I recently started paying attention to, especially while being more involved in the book twitter community. Some people would say really offensive maybe even racist, ableist, Islamophobic, homophobic, transphobic… things and expect you to respect that because it’s their “opinion” and they’ll make you think that you’re the one in fault here because you are not respecting it. Here’s the thing, that’s not an opinion. Blue is my favorite color is an opinion. I like sushis is an opinion. Hating on a religion, an ethnicity, a sexuality is not. That’s bigotry and you don’t have to put up with it. Actually, you have to stay as far away from it as you can.

They have a negative outlook on things

There are some people who have a hard time after bad experiences, because of mental health issues and so on. People who can’t help it and those are not the people I’m talking about here. I mean here the one that are quick to judge, fast to trash talk, don’t give anyone the benefit of the doubt. The way to recognize this kind of behavior is essentially by the way you’re feeling when hanging out with these people, they’re often criticizing you -not the constructive, healthy kind- making you feel bad about who you are, what you say, what you do, they’re never happy for your small and big victories and so on and so forth. Listen to what your body is telling you, if having them around stresses you out and leaves you feeling drained and unhappy, it’s time to cut your loses.

You’re always doing things THEY want to do

You know, when you want to have Italian for lunch but they impose thai. Or if you want to go on a weekend getaway to a wood cabin and they take you to the beach because “they know better”. They’re generally all small things that accumulate overtime so that you find yourself never enjoying yourself, never doing what you actually want to do. This may seem like nothing but looking at the bigger picture, why do you have to be the one to always sacrifice? Once in a while is okay, but all the damn time? You deserve better. You know it. I know it. The neighbor’s dog knows it. So, act on it.

2

I won’t make this one as long, because it is basically the opposite of what’s above. But I’ll cover some basis anyway.

Your relationship is about reciprocity

You don’t have to do all the work just like they don’t do it all. You find a middle ground that work for the both of you. Today is a beach day and you’re having thai food for lunch while next weekend you’re booking a cabin and getting italian food. Your friendship is based on love, trust, respect (!!!) and understanding. In the long run, only relationship that have solid basis can last. Relationships where you are not scared of being judged, talked over or disrespected. Because they uplift you and you do the same.

They’re open to change

I’m not saying that you should strive to change your friends because you shouldn’t, you should love and accept them for what they are. But. But let’s have as an example a friend who has some internalized biases, maybe racism. You shouldn’t be scared to call them out on it and they shouldn’t be offended by it, because at the end of the day you only want them to be the best version of themselves they can be. They work on it and improve themselves. And you do too. As I said, reciprocity.

They boost and motivate you

We all have those days when waking up in the morning is just hard, those days when things get overwhelming, goals seem unachievable some people can make that worse but your friends should help ease it. Even if they’re just words, sometimes the right ones can go a long way. I am not saying that they are a miraculous remedy to the storms that may be taking over your brain, I’m just saying that when you are at your lowest you can’t have people around you who make it worse for you.

I think I am done. This was my two cents on how to choose your entourage. Toxic friendships/ relationships in general are more common that we think which makes it hard to recognize them sometimes, because some bad behaviors are just normalized and “It’s okay” is overused. Well I’m telling you that you don’t have to settle for any less than you deserve, and you deserve better than people who stick with you whenever they can get something out of it and disappear once that’s done.

And I know that letting go can seem hard but it’s not. It’s worse for you and your health to be living in a toxic environment and trust me, you’ll feel better after you cleanse your life from the people that don’t belong in it and don’t bring any positivity to it. Once you start it becomes easier. It only takes that first step. Do it.


That’s it until next time.

Did you ever have to deal with this type of relationship? Was it easy for you to recognize them?

Hope you enjoyed, write to you soon.

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20 ‘TIL I’M 20: 20 Little Things that make me happy

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Well folks, Today is my 20th birthday!

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Gosh, why does that nasty 2 replace the 1? I WANNA STAY YOUNG FOREVER. Anyway, I can’t help it so let’s move on. So, because today is my birthday, this post closes the 20 ‘TIL I’M 20 post series *sad face*. I was thinking, what kind of post would be a good conclusion? At first, I thought of doing 20 things I learnt but that’s almost the same as last monday’s post so it’s a no-go then I got this idea to share the little things that make me happy. No grand gestures or big events, just little everyday things that might go unseen but really bring me joy.

happy-1

They are my favorites. I kid you not, I used to HATE rain as a child, like sometimes I would cry of frustration. But now, it is my favorite kind of weather. I just get this sense of peace and calm whenever it is pouring outside, I could spend hours staring out my window without getting bored of it. I also love walking in the rain, and THAT smell, the fresh weat soil smell is just amazing -now I know some people don’t like it but… HOW?- just everything about it makes me happy. Bonus points if I can curl up in a comfy blanket and read.

happy-2

I’m sure that you can all relate to this feeling. No exceptions made. Whenever I realize that a book is going to be a favorite I feel like my heart is going to explode and I start beaming like an idiot because no matter how many favorite I have that feeling will never get old. I also need to talk about it and pour my feelings out to someone. ASAP.

happy-3

I am so grateful for the little corner of the internet that I am part of, that I call mine. All the friends I made are so positive and supportive, they never fail to put a smile on my face whenever I need it or even when I don’t. An incident happened on Twitter a few weeks ago and a person invalidated my opinion because I am a baby blogger, and all of them were there for me, ready to kick ass if necessary haha. I know you’re going to recognise yourselves so thank you ❤ . This baby blogger is luck to have a bigger support system than you could dream of!

happy-4

I’m not big on physical contact and showing affection. It just makes me uncomfortable, even with my mom sometimes (rarely, but it happens), even though we are VERY close. This being said, there are some days when I just come home needing her to hold me for a few minutes because then I feel safe and soothed and like everything will be alright. I also LOVE the look of surprise she gets on her face whenever that happens hahaha. And she takes full advantage of it.

happy-5

Anything nature related really, though I must admit if I had to choose, it’ll be the beach. I’m just a water person through and through. I know people love the beach in the summer because it’s refreshing and you can swim and blablabla. And I do too. But my favorite time to go is winter because I just like staring at it and thinking about everything and anything I have on my mind at that time. It just helps set my thoughts straight and clear my mind.

happy-6

We have SO many of these. Especially at lunch time when we get out of the internship and before going to class, we often just have lunch in the car and spend the two hours chatting, laughing, sometimes crying, listening to each other, supporting each other, etc… It just helps wind up the daily stress than can get too much at times, so in a way we help each other not to get burnt out by the craze of it all.

happy-7

If you know me you’d know that I put a lot of thought and effort into how I dress because I LOVE clothes and just putting different pieces together so being complimented on that instantly puts a huge smile on my face. Or any kind of compliment really haha! They just feel nice and I know that everyone agrees on that as well.

happy-8

Isn’t this the best feeling ever? Relating to a character’s experiences, struggles and successes is the epitome of happiness when it comes to books. Knowing that you’re not alone in what you’re living, in what you’re feeling can be so relieving. And this is when the importance of representation shows, so that kids, teenagers, adults all around the world get to see themselves in books.

happy-9

Do I need to explain this one though? I don’t have the words to describe the feeling either way but I’m lowkey obsessed.

happy-10

Heheheh! Another obsession of mine that’s here to stay. I never seem to get tired of them. EVER. I could eat them today and crave them tomorrow and as I write I want a huge plate *sigh*. Someone buy me a lifetime supply of sushis for my birthday? Please? Okay?

happy-11

If you’ve been following my blog for a while now, you’d know that this year my best friend went to study abroad so I don’t get to see her as much, which makes those phone calls very precious. She’s my favorite human being and knows me better than anyone sooo… that’s where I go when I need ranting and vanting or even just to talk about anything. Or do nothing. Nothing is good too.

happy-12

I swear to God, this is the biggest luxury to me. Especially in this exam preping period -which by the way is proving challenging and stressful and is straight up killing me- like my biggest dream right this second is to get to sleep on a Sunday -or any day- without setting an alarm. But why Sunday in particular? Because usually it is the “chill” when I have nothing to do but lie down and relax and that, my friends, is happiness.

happy-13

This is another rare occurrence because during the week I’d have to wake up at 5 to do that and I ain’t got the energy for that haha. And in the weekends I usually have breakfast with my family so I don’t spend much time in bed after waking up. I do it in the summer though when I don’t have anything to do and can just take my time in bed to read.

happy-14

I know a lot of people don’t like driving but I. LOVE. IT. It just helps me clear my head and think about things I need to sort out. Or. Or just blast music and sing to it depending on my mood. It’ll either be overly loud or overly sad. Anyway, all of this to say that my car drives are, to me, the best me time there is.

happy-15

There hasn’t been a time in my life when I wasn’t doodling, drawing, paiting or just doing something with paper and a pencil. It’s always been part of me and I had lost it for a couple years. But one of the gazillion things that blogging did right is motivate me to pick it up again. And it is such a great stress reliever and source of joy when I see an idea that’s been building up in my head take shape in real life.

happy-16

This goes hand in hand with: 1/ Driving, 2/Blogging, 3/ Or anything really besides studying and reading because with those 2 particular things I can’t seem to concentrate lately (which I was able to do before). I just love music so so much because whenever I have something on my mind, I lose myself in it and try to forget everything else. 

happy-17

I know that every post idea is visited and revisited, probably even the ones I think are not but the point here is not the fact that it’s unique but more like the fact that it came out of MY brain without any inspiration coming directly from another blog. It is just such a blessing to know that this brain of mine can think up something from scratch.

happy-18

If you’ve seen last week’s post you know that I wasn’t always the best big sister anyone could ask for. Try for the other end of the Spectrum. It’s not that I was mean, it’s just that I didn’t give her as much time as she needs and deserves, which I’m trying to remedy now by being there for her for whatever she needs. And it is so worth it, seeing her smile like she does.

happy-19

Making people happy makes ME happy. Just a compliment, a smile, a good morning message or even by checking up on people. Believe me, those little gestures matter. If I like something about a person, I tell them. If some advice of theirs worked, I tell them. If I loved their book recommendation, I tell them. Just like these little things make ME happy, I know they’ll work for other people as well.

happy-20

I really don’t know ho to explain this one. Other than the fact that deep and meaningful conversations move something in me and bring me a lot of content and joy.


That’s it until next time.

Now it is your turn to tell me. What are some things that make you happy? Do any of mine apply to you?

Hope you enjoyed, write to you soon.

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